Looking Back

Copernicus

He has not allowed himself to be in the moment because he's been so intent on looking back to how things were, instead of how things are, that he refuses to allow himself to be happy.  He has been unruly and stubborn and is just making himself miserable by pining away for things that aren't going to happen.  Unfortunately, he's been caught up in all of the change of our Coastal Craziness and he's letting everyone know exactly how unhappy he is.  

He's been acting out-of-sorts by:

• grumbling
• being anti-social
• chewing the foyer rug 
• taking toilet papers streams through the house
• not obeying simple commands on purpose
  

But, I saw a glimpse of the old him.  Just a small glimpse of a happier puppy who was ok with life for just a moment.  But, it wasn't until I said, "C'mon, Copernicus, let's go for a ride".  And, there, in the moment, I saw my sweet, lovable puppy.

Oh, Copernicus...put your Change Agent cape on and join the rest of us, won't you?  Take all of the change in stride and look at the brighter side - you're an only puppy for a little while.  You don't have to share anything right now and you get all of the treats and walks and lovin' and belly scratchin'.  That sounds like a pretty sweet deal for you, puppy. ;)

In the meantime, I'm doing my part and trying to spend as much time with him as possible. And, repeating, "I love my puppy, I love my puppy, I love my puppy", because things are really getting out of hand.  A rug?  Sheesssh....he didn't even do that as a little puppy guy! 

Freedom to Change

In an effort to ready our house for selling, I decided that the baby, er...Miniature Schnauzer, gates needed to come down.  The three gates have been a mainstay in raising the puppies this past year and have helped to contain them to a manageable portion of our home.  But, there is a time for all of us to evolve and mature and have a little freedom to find, grow and explore new things.

... so the gates came down.

Copernicus, just barely over one year old, took to the newfound freedom quite fast.  He quickly went off to find his new boundaries without any hesitation or reservation.  He loved the newness of it all and then came back to get his brother to join him.  Copernicus then began to entice Newton into a game of chase so that he too could discover the great new space.  He loved the change and wanted his brother to feel the same way!

Copernicus

But, baby brother had some trepidation.  It was questionable how Newton, now just a mere six months old, would handle so much space albeit he's the more adventurous and wild one of the two.

It took him awhile to realize that the gates were down and he was surprisingly more cautious than his brother.  He kept looking back into the previously gated space as though he really wasn't sure he wanted to find out what was outside of the gates.  He wanted the new without leaving the old.

... and isn't that just like us?  

Sometimes we engage the change in our lives without hesitation and just drive right into the unknown like Copernicus did.  Then, there are those times when we just can't seem to push ourselves out of the comfort zone and into something new like Newton experienced.

Change is such a crazy mixture of  the "stop" and "go" that we experience throughout the movement of seasons within our lives.

For Newton, it took his brother's game of chase before he went into the new areas.  He needed the security of retaining something of the old with him as he went into the new.     

Once in the new spaces, he ran and ran and played with his brother and reveled in all of the fun! Sprawled out and panting he landed at my feet as if to say, "Thanks for all of this freedom!"

I hope that after all of the seasons of change and the maturing and the growing and the refining, I will resemble Newton's stance:  a smile on my face, totally out of breath, looking heavenward and shouting, "Thanks for all of this freedom!"

I vow to take all that comes my way today and delight in the freedom to change.  Won't you?

Freckles

I used to despise them; my freckles, that is.  They were the source of much angst in my middle school years as my peers found them to be funny and a source of pokes and jokes at my expense. As I looked in the mirror at my own reflection then, I saw the little sun-kissed spots that danced across my cheeks and determined them to be my arch nemesis.  I secretly ached and longed for a spot free, peaches & cream kind of facial landscape.

Then, as I emerged into my teenage years, I became friends with my face.  I no longer saw my freckles as detestable but I think I grew to ignore them.  I chose heavy makeup and concealer to daily deny that there was anything but a smooth, non-spotted face.

My 20's and early 30's were filled with family business and I gave way to being at peace with my freckles. I had accepted the fact that they were here to stay.  They loved living on me and so I decided to embrace them.  I chose to like my freckles.

Easing out of my 30's and into my 40's I suddenly became more aware of my skin and its quirkiness.  I looked around and concluded that women with freckles look younger than women without them.  I fell in love with my freckles!

My recent trip to the dermatologist gave me an even better boost as she exclaimed, "Your skin looks fantastic for your age!"  And then she began to talk about changing my skin care system and move towards using preventative aging products.  

Ha! And she said my skin looked good.  Hmmmph!

Ok, to make a long story short, I walked out of her office with a bag full of goodies all designed to plump up my skin and prevent it from sagging and to brighten my skin tone.  

Brighten = no more freckles.  (One of the products will fade my freckles a bit.)

I'm sad.  I mean, I've finally come to enjoy and revel in my freckles and now I paid for, and will use,  a product that will lessen their intensity and beauty.   

Isn't that just like life, though?  You come to a place of choice, acceptance & appreciation for something and then BAM! ... it changes.

Life.  What a change! ;)

***   ***   ***

And, in the midst of my day, I received a Lovely Blog award.  Laura Jayne was so lovely to send me this kind gift.  

I visit a lot of blogs and have chosen a few that I think are lovely and are deserving of the award as well.  Be lovely, would you, and check out these lovely sights? ;)

Aimee is a lovely, funny and gifted writer at New to Farm Life.

Angi is a lovely friend and blogger extraordinaire at Choice Central.

A new, I don't know her name but she's writes lovely and has a Miniature Schnauzer at Minnesota Transplant's Blog.

Lovely, aren't they?

An Award!!

If we get honest with ourselves for a moment, we find that we all desire some small portion of recognition or affirmation in our day.  I'm not talking about winning the Nobel Peace Prize or something of that grandeur.  I'm talking about that compliment that comes out of nowhere from your teenager who says, "Wow, Mom, you look cool today." It's the kind of recognition from your boss who says, "I see how hard you've been working on this project and I really appreciate your efforts."  Or, the warm touch of a friend in crisis who lays her hand on yours as she says, "Thank you so much for being here when I needed you."

It's the positive feedback we get from living life at our full potential and the result of reaching others with who God made us to be.   

So, imagine my delight when I realized I won an award!  Someone thought enough of my writing not only to read my stuff but to publicly acknowledge my writing!  And, it's not just any old award but an award from Pictures, Poetry & Prose. It's a blog I visit often to contribute thoughts and love the creativity push that Laura Jane's site gives me.  Please go check it out....it's really cool.  The actual award is on the right hand side of my blog. :)

Before your day runs out, purpose yourself to acknowledge someone around you.  See them, compliment them and most of all, let them know your life is being touched by them. You see, it really does matter that we "do" life together and part of that journey is to encourage each other.  

Here's the actual piece that won the award...

 

Photo by S. Kay Murphy

Kay's Pen

The writing prompt:  Cross the bridge.  What is on the other side?

***   ***   ***

Dense fog had made the journey quite tough.  She saw the outline of the bridge from a distance but couldn't make out its detail.

With each step she took, another detail filled in.

With each step she took, she was closer to her past being past.

With each step she took, she was closer to her future being now.

And, the bridge was change.

***   ***   ***

Thoughtful Tuesday

"Do you choose change?  Do you choose health? Do you choose happiness?  Do you choose strength?  Do you choose that?  Do it now.

You can tell me that you choose not to.  You can tell me that you choose to quit. That you choose to be less than what you are or what God intended you to be but don't tell me that you can't do it."

 - Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser

The Road

I took the road.   One that most times, regrettably, I have drifted from one end of the asphalt to the other without much thought.

But, today was different.

I reminisced and took in all of the the details with each dip, turn and stretch of well worn road.

It is much, much different now.

The road has undergone dramatic change:  intersections closed off and redirected, new traffic lights installed that loom overhead with lights that blink incessantly, businesses torn down and demolished, new businesses birthed to stand towering in the backdrop of the scenery just past the erected advertising sign.

I got to the end of the road.

Reminded that there is a time to tear down and a time to build.  

A Storm Rolls In

There it is in the distance.

Moving towards my life.

Not wanting to give way to fear.

But unsure of how to do that at times.

Watching and waiting as another storm rolls in.

It's threatening even from miles away.

With intensity that stirs up such passionate emotions

in me.

Despite the forward swirling movement, there is beauty unfolding.

Right next to me.

Close.

Grabbing my attention.

And, then...seemingly out of nowhere

the storm makes its presence known.

Blinding.

Slinging hit after hit.

Blustering its way in me

 over me

and even through me.

And I start surviving.

Blinking furiously to ward off the rain.

Purposely sitting taller in an effort to bully the storm away from me.

Pressing my shoulders back in defiance against the wind.

I will not give in.

I will not back down.

It is only a storm.

And 

it 

will 

pass.

With the onslaught over, I release my warrior stance. 

 and look up.

There is a gift.  

The kind of gift that only comes after storms pass.

No matter the size or strength of the storm

the gift is always there.

The rainbow pushing through the backdrop of darkness.

And, I see the beauty of change.

Gently making its way in me.

Over me.

And even through me.

Thoughtful Tuesday

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically.  We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly.  We grow partially.  We are relative.  We are mature in one realm, childish in another.  The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present.  We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.

- Anais Nin

Change

Do I watch it from the inside out?

...maybe even let it pass me by because where I sit is so comfortable?
So normal.

Or, do I begin to accept that change is for my benefit and take small steps toward new adventures?

Knowing that as I enter into the change process, I will need to be intentional. I will need piercing eyes that bring vision and clarity despite the feeling that I'm moving way too fast.

Turning slightly for a respite from the full-on frontal movement of change. Letting my eyes adjust a moment to a new place of being. Accepting the fact that I'm not done yet, but surveying where I am at the moment.

And...then getting back into focus. Turning my eyes towards the future once again. Back into the currents of change, steadying my thoughts and emotions and allowing the plan for my life to unfold without resistance. Allowing myself to enjoy the winds of change.

You Say Goodbye - I Say Hello

Airports teem with emotion.

The hellos dance about in spurts of joy, smiles and laughter while the goodbyes swirl about revealing tears, sobs and muffled pain.

Saying goodbye hurts.

...especially when I was just saying hello.

Loving Clumsily

I initiated two extremely difficult conversations yesterday and I walked away with two surprisingly good outcomes. And, I want to share with you what was on my mind before putting myself into communication with others...

"Every day I put love on the line. There is nothing I am less good at then love. I am far better in competition than in love. I am far better at responding to my instincts and ambitions to get ahead and make my mark than I am at figuring out how to love another. I am schooled and trained in acquisitve skills, in getting my own way. And, yet I decide, everyday, to set aside what I can do best and attempt what I do very clumsily - open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride."

- A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson