A Night Owl in the Making

Once upon a time, ms. c u smyle loved to get up early in the morning.  She believed in the saying that, "the early bird catches the worm".  Not that she wanted a worm at all but she loved getting up while everyone else was sleeping and the house was quiet. She rose before the sun came up and happily went about her day's work until nightfall.  

But, then, as soon as the sun went down and the moon dared to flicker in the sky, ms. c u smyle would become tired.  So tired that she typically would be fully asleep by 10:00pm at the latest. Alas, ms. c u smyle was always the girl to end the night before everyone else in the house.

But, then ... the prevailing winds blew her into a new rhythm of sleeping patterns.  Gone was the girl who accomplished at least 50 things before 8am and, instead, a new girl emerged who barely can crawl out of bed before 9am.  

Who is this girl?  

Mmph!  I guess she's a night owl in the making! ;)

Thoughtful Tuesday

"I don't want to live -- I want to love first, and live incidentally."

- Zelda Fitzgerald

A Girl of Expectation

"An inviting, high-velocity ride through our most treasured mental act - deciding.  This is truly one of the most accessible and richly informed books on human choice.  It's a must-read for anyone interested in the human mind and how cutting-edge research changes the way we think about ourselves.  A marvelous success."

- Read Montague

Brown Foundation Professor of Neuroscience

Baylor College of Medicine

... I read that and I was hooked so I picked up the book, "How We Decide", by John Lehrer and have been making my way through it at a surprisingly slow pace (at least for me, the bookworm). I'm almost at the point where I want to draft an outline of the brain and label each new part that the author brings up so that I can put a visual with it.  Hey...I think I'll do that! lol :)

Anyway, despite the author's hard core bend as an evolutionist, he really does make the inner workings of our decision making system more palatable.  In fact, in the beginning he caught my attention as he described the predictions of dopamine,

"But happiness isn't the only feeling that dopamine produces.  Scientists now know that this neurotransmitter helps to regulate all of our emotions, from the first stirrings of love to the most visceral forms of disgust.  It is the common neural currency of the mind, the molecule that helps us decide among alternatives.  By looking at how dopamine works inside the brain, we can see why feelings are capable of providing deep insights."

Oh, so there is regulation of my emotions, after all?   ....huh!

But, I really got excited when he said,

"What's interesting about this system is that it's all about expectation.  Dopamine neurons constantly generate patterns based on experience:  if this, then that.  The cacophony of reality is distilled into models of correlation that allow the brain to anticipate what will happen next."

It sent me flying over to Wikipedia to see what it says about dopamine, 

"Further, dopamine neurons are depressed when the expected reward is omitted.  Thus, dopamine neurons seem to encode the prediction error of rewarding outcomes.  In nature, we learn to repeat behaviors that lead to maximize rewards."

What??  I have a system within my brain that is providing me with expectations?  This news is huge!  

Here's why...if you had a conversation with Mr. Smart Guy about the one thing that sends me into an emotional twirl he would simply say, "She's a girl of expectation."  And, he's right.  

I plan, I do, I expect.  I am a girl with expectations and I tend to reel from the disappointments when they aren't met. But, to know that this may be happening in my brain and I'm truly unaware of it?  Could it really be possible that my expectations in life aren't based on emotional choice but are the result of neuron activity responding to past experiences? 

Now that's something to think about! 

I Believe

We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.
For us and for our salvation
he came down from heaven:
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory
to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father [and the Son].
With the Father and the Son
he is worshipped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. 

~ AMEN ~

Diary of a Young Woman: Nothing Really

The diary entry began...

January 11, 1978

Dear Diary,

Nothing really!

Dee

I find it puzzling that at 12 years old I would have nothing at all to record about that day and what appears to be a lot of other days in that year.  Where are the writings of interacting with my family?  Where are the writings of what school was like and whether or not I was learning?  Where are the writings of my hopes and dreams and aspirations for when I grew up? Where are the writings of how much I loved our beloved family dog named Duke?  Where are the writings that reveal a young girl trying to figure out who she was in the chaos of puberty?

I'm sad I didn't record those things that surely must have shaped who I am today.  I'm curious to know why I didn't record conversations and interactions and emotions but instead felt that my day was just nothing really.  I wonder if, in the process of maturing, I needed those days of nothing really so that I could weather the storms of growing up.

And...as I find myself in a day of nothing really, I'm now thinking about how I will record my day in my journal later tonight so that when I am 60 or 70 years old and reading back over the years of my writings, will I be able to remember who I am today?

Thoughtful Tuesday

"There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality."

- Jonas Salk

Prevailing Winds

It may seem like I've been quiet.

It may even seem like I've been missing.

But, it's only because I've been caught up and tossed about in the prevailing winds of the Coastal Craziness once again.  I've had you on my mind and wanted to write to fill you in on all that's happened in the past few days and even wow you with stories but...well, ... that darned time zone change gets me every time.  

Maybe I'll just give you a few of the more dramatic highlights of the past few days so at least you'll get the gist of how my world was before I left Virginia. Or, maybe I should say you'll get the gist of how crazed I was. ;)

In the middle of an overloaded to-do list and with no time to spare, I locked myself out of the house just hours before my flight took off.  Desperate for help, I had to wait outside for about 20 minutes before the realtor came to my rescue.  It seems that I had forgotten that I gave him my house key to put in the lock box and no longer had the key on my key ring. {{oops}}

But, a funny memory popped into my head from last year as I waited to be rescued. ;)

/div>

But, wait...I had no time for memories.  I had to get moving!  

task. check mark! next?

pant....pant....pant

"Newton...get in your crate", I shouted!

Newton likes his travel crate so I thought it would be a much easier time than when Copernicus flew last year. It was easier getting Newton in the crate to go but he was pretty vocal up front about his lack of luxurious travel accommodations.  Pampered puppy!

So, we get to the airport...check Newton as baggage because of a mix-up that caused him to be on a plane separate from mine.  Um, precious baggage, please! ;)

The good news is that we arrived in Silicon Valley with no issues and I ran (ok, walked fast) to see Mr. Smart Guy!!  

And, I made it just in time for our anniversary!

... and then we, Newton and I, crashed!  We slept and slept and slept and... slept some more.

We all settled in and it felt strangely familiar to me as though I had never left California.  Mr. Smart Guy went to work, Newton was happily tired after a walk and then I ventured out to get some groceries and ... sticker shock!  I had forgotten how expensive things are in this state and that the sales tax was just raised to 9.25%.  (a small side note...the sales tax in Virginia is a paltry 5%)

I had so much fun in the grocery store though that I forgot that we lived in an apartment and had to park in an underground garage and had to take an elevator to our level and had to haul said such purchases to the apartment.  

But, fear not....I got a system for that! 

After I unpacked the groceries and started to fold up the reusable bags I realized the middle bag was surely representative of my vagabound lifestyle:

what goes around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around....