Clah-Clunk

I put the key into the lock, took a deep breath ... and twisted it to the right.  

The clah-clunk of the releasing mechanism announced that I could enter while the smallest of squeaks emanated from the front door when I pushed it open and stepped inside the foyer.  

I was there for one fairly straightforward and simple reason; to make one last walk-through in the house to make sure we hadn't left anything behind before I signed the documents that transferred ownership to the new owners. But, instead....just as quickly as I entered the foyer, grief came tumbling all around me and memories streamed through my mind's eye and I was drenched in sobbing breaths and fast, salty tears that were a torrent down my cheeks.  

I stepped onto the carpeted stairs and moved one slow, heavy foot up the steps in front of the other until I got to our bedroom and stopped.  I stood in the center of the room, admiring the calming celery green color that Mr. Smart Guy had picked for the wall paint, and I listened. 

And ... 

I heard us talking about and praying for our boys over the years.  I heard us maturing and figuring out how to love each other better.  I heard the last conversation we had in this room finalizing the Coastal Craziness plan and how we knew it would be hard but we knew it was the right choice.  

But, as I stood there, I don't think either one of us knew the depths of difficulty and the emotional toll it would take on us.  I closed the doors quietly shut on the room and turned down the hallway.

**sigh**

I went to the laundry room, still able to smell the fresh linen scent and I watched.

I watched Army Guy, in for the weekend from Virginia Tech, grab his clothes off the clothes rack and head off to put them away.  I saw Dan the Man open the dryer in search of his then-favorite shirt at the time to see if it was clean yet so he could wear it.  I heard Theatre Dude yelling from the laundry room to see if I had washed and/or dried all of his guitar picks that might have been in his jeans pocket when I did laundry 'cause he couldn't find any of his picks.  And, I could see each of our puppies on their first day with us and how we lovingly set up their crated homes in the laundry room.  

I stepped outside of the laundry room and stood on the landing and just looked at all of the open bedroom doors and both of the stairways that went downstairs.  None of the rooms were ever just one boys room.  The rooms have always been interchangeable and have morphed into whatever our family needs were at the time.  

And, I saw them become ...

bedrooms, offices, music rooms, guest rooms, reading rooms, foster guy rooms, Katrina family rooms and ... anyone who needed a safe place to stay for the night away from the chaos of their life kinda rooms.  

And, I could feel my heart swell with love for each person that has been in our home.  I pray that their memories of staying here have made a small but lasting difference in their life.

I began to descend the steps into the living room that opened up with the kitchen.  I could already see the many ...

birthday bashes, cancer-free celebrations, chick nights at the house, Prom pictures, Superbowl parties, Smart Guy and his friends discussing their conspiracy theories, the movies we've watched, Homecoming nights, and, most importantly and most heartwarming, the conversations we've had.  The talks of politics and current events and shopping finds and new recipes and cool new bands and rock concerts and heartbreaks and conflict and careers and purity and freedom and boundaries and love and God.

Lastly, I stood in the foyer. I thought about how many times in the past years I had stood in that very spot saying hello or goodbye to people I love. And, even though I was still sobbing, a smile began to emerge on on my face.  

My family has lived a lot of life within these walls.  

I put the key into the lock, took a deep breath ... and twisted it to the left.  

The clah-clunk of the locking mechanism announced that the door was indeed locked and I was no longer permitted to enter.  

And, now it's their house.  

They don't know it but I prayed for them while I walked into each room of the house.  I asked God that he would bless their family with the fullness of love and joy that we have found while we lived here.  I asked that their pantry would always be full and they would not be hungry beyond their means.  I prayed that their children would find friends in the neighborhood and that they would love going to school and learning.  I prayed for the marriage ... that it would only get better in the years that they call this house their home.